Photo: James Van Der Beek/Instagram
James Van Der Beekis speaking out about the painful process ofsuffering a miscarriage— and then learning how to move past it.
Two days after his wifeKimberlyrevealed that shehad three miscarriages throughouther “almost 8.5 years of pregnancy,” thePosestar, 41, shared his own lengthy note about their experiences.
“Wanted to say a thing or two about miscarriages … of which we’ve had three over the years (including right before this little beauty),” he wrotealongside a photoof him and his wife holding their fifth child, daughterGwendolyn, who turns 3 months old on Saturday.
“First off —we need a new word for it,” he continued, writing that the term miscarriage, “in an insidious way, suggests fault for the mother — as if she dropped something, or failed to ‘carry.’ From what I’ve learned, in all but the most obvious, extreme cases, it has nothing to do withanything the mother did or didn’t do.”
“So let’s wipe all the blame off the table before we even start,” Van Der Beek added.
Courtesy Kimberly Van Der Beek
The actor then went on to open up about how difficult it can be to process, and eventually move on from the loss.
“It will tear you open like nothing else,” he wrote. “It’spainful and it’s heartbreakingon levels deeper than you may have experienced. So don’t judge your grief, or try to rationalize your way around it. Let it flow in the waves in which it comes, allow it its rightful space.”
Continuing, Van Der Beek added, “And then … once you’re able … try to recognize the beauty in how you put yourself back together differently than you were before. Somechanges we make proactively, some we make because the universe has smashed us, but either way, those changes can be gifts.”
James Van Der Beek Instagram
After experiencing such a life-altering experience, theDawson’s Creekalum wrote that “some couples become closer than ever before.”
“Many parents realize a deeper desire for a child than ever before. And many, many, many couples go on to havehappy, healthy, beautiful babies afterwards(and often very quickly afterwards — you’ve been warned),” Van Der Beek continued, adding a heart-eyed emoji.
“I’ve heard some amazing metaphysical explanations for them, mostly centering around the ideas that these little souls volunteer for this short journey for the benefit of the parents … but please share whatever may havegiven you peace or hopealong the way … Along with a new word for this experience,” he added.
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Inher own social media post, after opening up about her miscarriages, Kimberly — who also shares Emilia, 2, Annabel Leah, 4½, Joshua, 6, and Olivia, 8 this month, with her husband — went on to comment on all of the other aspects of motherhood that women shouldn’t be criticized for.
“I’ve nursed each child for over a year. Sometimes it’s exhausting. Sometimes it’s heaven. Physically and emotionally on both accounts. I share this becauseI love my family so much. I’m so grateful for these beautiful souls that asked to come in,” she wrote, noting that “everyone breaks sometimes.”
Frazer Harrison/Getty
source: people.com
