When Renny Harlin ’s Legendof Hercules comes out this Friday , January 10th , it ’s probably going to be terrible . It seem to have almost nothing to do with any of the original Greek myth ; however , the son of Zeus has face good deal of cinematic woes in the yesteryear ( althoughnone of them had the impropriety to pretend Herc was a Roman prizefighter ) . Here areeight other movies it would take a Herculean effort to seat through .
1 ) Hercules in New York
Displaying none of the personal magnetism that would serve him laterin his cinematic career and government , Arbold Schwarzenegger ’s first movie rolewas Hercules in this lowlife which project Herc coming to 1970 New York City andbecoming a professional wrestler . Zeus is annoyed at Herc ’s antics , and hiswife Juno ( yeah , Zeus and Juno , do n’t ask ) poison her stepson so he becomesmortal , Herc loses a strongman contention , runs afoul of some gangsters andSchwarzenegger basically accept any and all chance to take his shirt offand / or pick things up . Also , while drive his chariot around Central Park , Herc beats up a “ wild bear ” who is a dude in a cheap bear suit . It ’s amazingSchwarzenegger had a life history in anything after this stinker .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5ZYbLqRpww
2 ) Hercules Against the Moon Men
The Hercules of Hercules Against the Moon Men wasn’tactually Hercules ; in movie ’s native Italy , it starred Maciste , a popular butfictional steel - and - sandal - eccentric hero . really , in the first Maciste movie , hewas actually supposed to be Hercules anyways but — you know , it ’s weirdly complicated . Let ’s move on . Anyways , Herc / Maciste visits the kingdom of Samara , whose queenis treating with the local Moon Men , having started a small fry ’s blood for eventual - ruling - the - worldbarter system . This picture is known in MST3 K lore for its interminable sandstormscene , when a variety of characters stumble through a dust storm aimlessly forwhat palpate like two unanimous hour . Herc basically stands around andflexes until the very end , when he finally decides to convey the Moon Men ’s cave down on theirheads .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9fWUQSESGI
3 ) Hercules Against the Mongols
Despite their similar popularity and vast strength ( andname mix-up ) , Hercules and Maciste were not duplication . Maciste couldbasically go anywhere , experience anytime , and do anything , while Hercules was prettymuch puzzle in ancient Greece ( or at least theoretically so ) . But people outside of Italy have a go at it Herc , notMaciste , so he was rename — which is why we have this picture about Hercules somehow campaign the Mongols for the Christians in 1227 A.D. Yes , Hercules is hangingout in the wood , being a friend to the beast , when he learns those darnedMongols have been kill good Christian white people . Hercules ’ plan isbasically to go up to them , and be enslaved until the end of the movie , when hedecides not to be enslaved . The reaching of the Greek demigod inspires thenearby Christians , who stand off the Mongol host .
4 ) Hercules
Man , where to even start with this one ? Okay , this 1983Hercules movie star Lou Ferrigno plays fast and loose with mythology , andwhen I say “ fast and loose ” I imply “ Zeus and the Hellenic pantheon are actuallyaliens who go on the lunation . ” Zeus grants the baby prince Hercules magicpowers , but then the evil king Minos send a variety show of stop - motion robots tokill Herc and his household . The rest of the movie is basically a bunch of shittyspecial effects and bizarreness , including a scene where Ferrigno alternate over movingchariots who are never in the same shot , a scene where he engender giant for noparticular reason and a another shot where he basically expend a lightsaber . But the worst problem ? Well , let ’s just say there ’s areason why the only line Ferrigno had on The Incredible Hulk was “ Rahrgh . ”
5 ) The Adventures of Hercules
And as ridiculous as Ferrigno ’s first Hercules movie was , itwas a somber documentary compared to the sequel . Seven alien / gods on the moonsteal Zeus ’ thunderbolt and hidden them in monster , which somehowalso meansthe Moon is conk out to crash into Earth . Herc must kill the monsters to retrievethe thunderbolts , including sludge people , Medusa , a devil horse , and more ( healso kills the world-beater of the Amazons , but that ’s kind of a freebee ) . The movieends , as all Hercules movies should not , with Hercules draw out a Dragonball Zand turn into a giant ape to fight the resurrected King Minos , who of coursebecomes a elephantine dinosaur . finally , Hercules grow crowing enough to physicallypush the moon away , and Herc and his lady Quaker get to last on the moon inpeace .
6 ) Hercules and the Captive Women
Another Hercules movie feature on MST3 K , this stinker starsReg Park , who somehow does n’t acts while at the same time like an dickhead . Whenthe King of Thebes needs Herc ’s help , Hercules refuses . When he ’s flim-flam ontoa boat , he sleeps . When he ’s shipwreck and lands on Atlantis and learns thatthe king ’s beautiful daughter Ismene must be sacrificed or the whole countrywill be put down , he rescue her and in effect kill middling much everyone else on theisland . skillful piece of work , Jerkules ! Oh , and there ’s a magical rock from Uranus that the Queen is using tomake an army of Rockys from Rocky Horror Picture Show , but they do n’t reallyfigure in .
7 ) Little Hercules in 3 - D
You may or may not echo the name Richard Sandrak . Do youremember that extremely - ripped 8 - year - old that made all the talk shows back around2005 ? That ’s Sandrak . And like Schwarzenegger before him , someone thought thatbeing able to lift three times his own body weight was enough to allow this tike starin a movie . With such gift , this person was then hale to cast him amongst such luminaries as Hulk Hogan , RobinGivens , and Judd Nelson . I ’ll let the trailer speak for itself .
- The ThreeStooges Meet Hercules
The highest - grossing of all the Three Stooges movie , andarguably their best , T3SMH ( as its sports fan reduce it [ probably ] ) still featuresa super - shitty Hercules . Hercules is essentially a toughie for the defective guy rope , KingOdius , and he ’s barely in the plastic film . hellhole , the stooges ’ nerdy pal Schulyer pretends to beHercules for a while , and he ’s a better Hercules than Hercules is . This is whyin the trailer Hercules is trying to perforate the Stooges , because he ’s mad someone ’s been impersonate him . Or perhaps he ’s just taste to perforate them because they ’re the Stooges . Either way , really .
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