7 Tools For Surviving a 16-Hour Bus Ride to Yuma

Smokin ’ live number one wood aside — you ai n’t got the starting line for a plane , or even your own ride , so you ’re still stuck in this maturate aluminum horseshoe box know as a Greyhound bus for the next 16 God - forsake hours .

And if the mephitis does n’t get to you , the other passengers just might . So before you get corner by a senile octogenarian with a wallet full of pictures of her dogs children , or some dude with an peculiar tick talks your auricle off about 7 Minute Abs , establish your dominance within the bus hierarchy by out - madden everybody around you . Here ’s what you ’ll need to get to Yuma with at least some of your sanity intact .

Want to get to the front of the verification - in stock double time ? Pack your gear in an Army Surplus Duffle bag . Just be sure to grunt whenever you set it down and nonchalantly mention how surprisingly grueling human head are . $ 11

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Headphones are substantive on long stumble . Not the medium player , just the headphone . Be certain to comment aloud and frequently as to what large response they have . $ 200

See hairstyle above . Imitate . Win . Bonus points for maintain the edible asparagus in your teeth all 16 hours . twofold bonus points if you introduce yourself as Cthulhu . $ 24 – 1.5 oz shock

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The old trick of painting eyes on your lid too reckon like you ’re pay attention in social class is surprisingly good on the bus as well . Just make trusted to mutter , “ They wo n’t get me if I ’m awake , they wo n’t get me if I ’m awake , they wo n’t get me if I ’m awake ” while you apply them . $ 45

What fun ca n’t you have with a bottleful of your own urine ? $ 7

After finishing your nap , prevail the midway aisle while scream , “ Oh my God , it ’s on my back ! Get it off , get it off , oh God someone get a tongue ! ” $ 20

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